Well, not toxic, exactly... maybe just a little bit rank. But in a nice way. With a garnish.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

pizza famine

It's Imp's birthday tomorrow. That means I get a day off my diet!

Let me explain........
Since I stopped being a muscle-bound landscape construction worker, I woke up one morning and realised that I'd put on 2 stone.
I'd stopped being a reasonably fit 8 1/2 stone baby-butch dyke and turned into a lardy-arsed minger. Honestly, you can see my bum from space.
How does that happen? You're innocently getting on with being you... and then your body rebels! There must be some sort of critical level, a danger-zone, filed away in my liver or my spleen or something (what's yer spleen for, then, if it isn't to store up fat and spring it on you when you go one bag of Nik Naks too far? Eh? Eh?!) that SPLURGES over-weightness on you just when you've been lulled into a false sense of I-can-eat-pizza-without-bloating-ness.

So now I'm on SlimmingWorld.

Great, 'cos I'm veggie - I can live on Quorn concoctions, technically called 'Stwnch'.
Bad, 'cos I can't eat pizza or overdose on beer without feeling like I've become a failure

*and that's what you are, isn't it? When you traverse 30 and have to go on a proper diet! No more skipping meals and substituting with beer. Oh no! Now instead of staying trim, my body thinks there's some kind of famine!! Oh yes!!! Now it stores fat if you go for more than 20 minutes without food!

Anyhow. I'm getting my own back tomorrow.
I'm going to trick it into thinking we've moved into years of plenty. This involves eating mucho pizza and many forms of curry and lovely lovely lovely lovely BEER!
Obviously it'll be difficult but I'll do it for the sake of scientific research.

Someone must be researching it somewhere.

Roll on tomorrow...


  • At June 16, 2005 5:35 pm, Blogger Nanette Richards said…

    This was the best post I've read today. Thanks for that... glad I'm not the only one who woke up today and said "screw it I'm having a brownie". Hope that your beer and pizza were fabulous!

  • At June 17, 2005 7:46 pm, Blogger funny thing said…

    Cheers, matey!
    And yes... it was a feast to overshadow all feasts:-)
    Here's two fingers to virtually fat-free yoghurt!


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