Well, not toxic, exactly... maybe just a little bit rank. But in a nice way. With a garnish.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


Today all my underwear is intact and facing outwards, I just checked. One of my socks is inside out, but I don’t think that counts.


Last night we went out for a meal at a friend’s house, EvilThing. She’s not evil and she’s not a thing; but there you go, life can be unfair sometimes.

EvilThing is great at cooking diet food so I had a vague idea that we would be eating posh diet stuff with pine nuts and fromage frais. Not so. One glance at the crisp-filled dish on the coffee table confirmed that it was a Non Diet Night.

I like Non Diet Nights. I can munch cheesy things till I puke and blame it on someone else. It wasn’t my fault, guv’ner, they made me do it.
So casting my diet aside I reluctantly set about the business of eating Naughty Things.

Imp and EvilThing chatted and sipped wine while I chomped through the crisps.
Nice. Not any old crisps… posh ones that come in a giant bag and come in flavours like ‘Red Pepper with a dash of Olive Oil and dusted with Smoked Cheese’. Or something.
Fine by me, I’ll put them away.

I did.

We moved through to the dining room where a delicious spread awaited. Vegetable lasagne with salad and coleslaw and funny delicious little oily bread things.

Imp and EvilThing chatted, sipping wine and eating polite little forkfuls of food.
I ploughed into my plate of food, adding liberal amounts of coleslaw. Wonderful. You have no idea how gorgeous bread is, when you’ve been eating 3 slices of crappy wholemeal Nimble every day.

I helped myself to seconds of everything and demolished it happily while Imp kept EvilThing regaled with witty stories and anecdotes.

Pudding? You bet. Tiramisu. Until I was ready to burst.

We retired back to the front room. Or at least, Imp and EvilThing retired, while I wobbled.
Plonking myself back on the sofa we resumed conversation, fortified with coffee. Fearful of losing my strength I made short work of some more of those gorgeous posh crisp-things while the conversation carried on around me.

Finally Imp and I drove home.

Imp curled up into a cute little ball under the duvet while I disappeared into the bathroom. Eyeing the bathroom scales suspiciously I scrubbed my teeth and then, holding my breath, I stepped on. I squinted at myself in the bathroom mirror and wondered to myself why I don’t seem to be any thinner yet…


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