Well, not toxic, exactly... maybe just a little bit rank. But in a nice way. With a garnish.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

wrong way round

I'm not noted for being a morning person, in the same way that the Pope is not noted for being an unstoppable wild beast of a party animal.

Yesterday I got up in my usual morning haze, struggled into my clothes and made my way to work.

I'm also not noted for my ability to dress myself tidily. Imp regularly untwists my bra straps, straightens my collar, flicks dust. I just can't be arsed with all that stuff. I'm what's known as a 'scruffy git'.

She worries about what the ambulancemen would say if she ever had an accident and wasn't wearing matching bra and pants.. and if her collar wasn't straight. Oh, the shame!
I worry more about whether I would die horribly, but there we go, it takes all sorts.

Once safely installed at my desk I somehow got through the whole day, pulling off quite a good impersonation of someone who is awake.. fooled everyone and then drove home again.

It's a tradition of mine that I always have to sprint through the front door and leg it for the bathroom, my bladder having drip-fed itself full-to-bursting during the hour-long drive home. I expect the other people in my building must think I've got a constant dose of cystitis.. or that I really miss my own toilet.
I warn you, do NOT get in my way when I get home, if ever you should have the misfortune of being outside my house at the exact time I pull up. And especially do not make splashing noises or spill water in front of me.
- I'm telling you that for your own safety.

It was when I was hoiking my pants up post-wee, that I realised that something wasn't quite right.

I'd put my pants on sideways.

Not only had I put my pants on sideways, but I'd paid a couple of visits to the work-bog in the day and not even noticed.

Bloomin' heck.
Someone shoot me, now.

*Note for students: It's occurred to me since last night that if you sewed a gusset on each corner, you could wear your pants for three days, simply rotating them every morning, hence saving on laundrette bills.

For those without any shame, you could turn them inside out on day 4 and make them last for SIX days.

Remember folks, you read it here first.


  • At January 21, 2006 3:09 pm, Blogger Sniffy said…

    Fucking spaz.

    Here's a question, when you realised your mistake did you:
    a) Remove clothing from lower half of body, get fresh pair of knickers, get dressed again, or
    b) Remove clothing fro lower half of body, correct the orientation of knickers, get dressed again?

    I'm going for b) because I bet you're a bit of a skanky mare.

  • At January 21, 2006 3:38 pm, Blogger funny thing said…


    I'm a skanky mare.

    I did have a bath about an hour later tho.. and put on clean pair of kecks to mark the occasion.
    Hope that makes you happy.

  • At January 21, 2006 3:58 pm, Blogger Sniffy said…

    Dear me.

    Actually, I'm surprised you were wearing any at all.

  • At January 21, 2006 6:01 pm, Anonymous imp said…

    I'm getting very confused... now there's tina and sniffy... who the hell is who?

    Anyway enough talk about my girl's knickers!

    ...and yes, if a paramedic saw me with odd uncoordinated underwear they'd not need to take me to hospital because I'd die anyway.

    Hey, I love skanky mares!

  • At January 21, 2006 6:03 pm, Blogger Sniffy said…

    I'm sniffy

  • At January 21, 2006 6:07 pm, Blogger funny thing said…

    I'm sparticus

  • At January 21, 2006 6:22 pm, Anonymous imp said…


    Are you using both names depending what mood you're in?

    So would you have done a) or b)?

  • At January 21, 2006 8:50 pm, Blogger Sniffy said…

    No, I'M sparticus!

    Imp: I wouldn't have found myself in that situation in the first place.

    FT: Thank you, I really was hoping that somebody would do that

    Imp again: I thought I'd like the idea of using sniffy/sniff, but I feel better as Tina. Call it an experiment.

  • At January 21, 2006 8:50 pm, Blogger Sniffy said…

    Or was it Spartacus?

  • At January 21, 2006 10:06 pm, Blogger funny thing said…

    I just looked it up. You're right, it's spartacus.


    You'll be pleased to know I'm wearing my socks on inside out, today. I just noticed.

  • At January 21, 2006 11:15 pm, Blogger Sniffy said…

    Have you ever considered being euthanised?

    Seen any of those tittybangbangs yet?

  • At January 23, 2006 3:10 am, Blogger Kyahgirl said…

    well done ft. I think that might be the best underwear story I've read in while.

    You must be a tiny skanky mare. I think if I tried to put my undies on sideways, it would kill me. There is no way my waist is fitting through a let hole. On the other hand, maybe you have totally different underwear design in your country?

  • At January 23, 2006 4:07 am, Blogger pissoff said…

    Were you wearing a thong? Just wondering?

  • At January 23, 2006 9:35 am, Blogger funny thing said…

    No! No thong.

    I have an anus to protect.

  • At January 23, 2006 5:33 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Lol. Nice picture by the way! You see, whenever that's happened, I've always notcied before the trousers went on. Amazing, and in a strange way, rather impressive.


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