Well, not toxic, exactly... maybe just a little bit rank. But in a nice way. With a garnish.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

killing time

Something terrible has happened.

The road to work has collapsed.

What’s worse is that it’s only collapsed on one side… the going-home side. This means that my passage to the office remains unaffected, while my passage home has become a queuing, rerouted nightmare.

butt hole

Not quite, but almost.

It turns out that the town is riddled with underground culverts, tunnels and old mines. Every few years something collapses without trace, which makes living in the valleys a lottery.
California? Earthquakes? Pah! That’s nothing. We’ve got Monster Holes. Remember Dune? Giant worms leaping out of the ground and killing everything in sight? Yeah, happens all the time here.
Sleep in your beds at night? Yeah, if your house isn’t swallowed up by the fuming, angry earth.

So a hole 14 metres deep (yep, FOURTEEN METRES) appeared in the going-home side of the road and understandably, after much chin-rubbing and standing around of tubby, balding men in high-vis jackets, the going-home side of the road was closed.

hole in road

Oh, I wish... I wish!

For about 5 minutes I was delighted, until I realised that all the hold-ups are in the wrong direction for me. I can’t lie in until 11 and then stroll in at midday saying, “I left Cardiff at 6 o’clock this morning, but unfortunately there’s a fourteen metre hole in the road which meant that it was impossible to get to work on time, sorry. I tried, I really did….”

I’m more likely to be sitting in an extra hours-worth of traffic at the end of the day.
I’ve spent the last couple of days trying to think of reasons why this means I should leave work at lunchtime, but haven’t managed it yet.

A memo appeared at work today saying that it would take 6 weeks to repair, if it doesn’t rain too heavily.
Rain? In Wales?
It’ll rain, believe me.

That will mean that I spend an extra hour a day sitting in traffic for the next two months. On top of the hour I already do, going home. That’s 40 extra hours.
I could knit about twelve cardigans in that time. (If I could knit). I could read Ulysses, learn to speak Spanish.

Suggestions will be greeted with suspicion and, if you’re lucky, a half-hearted pissed-off-looking smile…


  • At February 02, 2006 10:26 pm, Blogger Sniffy said…

    Jeez, FT, that's some bad luck. Just think, all that time in queuing traffic will give you ample opportunity to think of some good things to blog about.

  • At February 02, 2006 11:09 pm, Blogger funny thing said…

    What're you saying?
    You saying that my blog's crap? Wanna fight?

    I'll beat seven shades of shit out of you........

  • At February 02, 2006 11:28 pm, Blogger S.I.D. said…

    Big Hole to be filled??

    Call in the Irish,we'll have er filled in no time.

    Sure its not just another valley?
    If so give it a really long name.
    Build a slag heap.

  • At February 03, 2006 5:32 am, Blogger pissoff said…

    Get a hotplate that you can plug into your lighter and cook dinner on the way home.

  • At February 03, 2006 8:28 am, Anonymous professor spoon said…

    Crank the heating up and rent out the back seat for cold passers-by to nip in and warm up.
    For the Executice Customer you could stack up on cds and provide Muzak.

  • At February 03, 2006 2:52 pm, Blogger funny thing said…


    There you go. It's got a name now. Good idea, s.i.d.
    Couldn't find any slags to heap up in it, there're all down the dole office in Newport shopping Centre.

  • At February 03, 2006 5:02 pm, Blogger Sniffy said…

    Now, would I ever accuse you of having a shite blog?

    No, I don't want a fight.

  • At February 03, 2006 5:21 pm, Anonymous Stu Savory said…

    Surely it should be called Llamedos, then on the way you home the sign would read . . . . . . . .

    Y'all work it out ;-)

  • At February 03, 2006 5:25 pm, Blogger Sniffy said…

    Shocked and appalled!

  • At February 03, 2006 6:49 pm, Blogger Imogen said…

    Don't you think two months is a bit on the optimistic side?
    Fate's just against you, really- not only is it Wales and guaranteed to rain, it's also a dead cert that the workmen won't turn up half the time. Making it more like four months, if my maths isn't too far off.
    Keep us informed though, won't you? We could lay bets on it.

  • At February 03, 2006 8:16 pm, Blogger Kyahgirl said…

    that's quite a hole you got there miss.
    can you convince your employer to get you temporary lodgings (say in a posh hotel) on the near side of the Llantwllhyllynyddeuarwrthycaemawr?

  • At February 03, 2006 10:00 pm, Blogger garfer said…

    I thought there was supposed to be a welcome in the valleys, not a fucking big hole.

    Couldn't they just fill it with moustachioed bevvy boyos and cover with a thin layer of tarmac?

  • At February 03, 2006 10:14 pm, Blogger PI said…

    The last time i saw a hole like that was about fifteen years ago in Portugal. I never thought it could happen here but that's progres for you.


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