Well, not toxic, exactly... maybe just a little bit rank. But in a nice way. With a garnish.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

red face

Projectile vomit isn't a myth!

It is 4 o'clock in the morning and I scramble frantically over Imp. She sits up.

"What's wrong, darling?" she says.

I am unable to answer due to my stomach muscles doing the Mexican Wave. I continue hurdling her by now, anxious form, and mumble something about not being well.
I sprint to the bathroom and make it as far as the sink.

This must be what they call Perestalsis. I remember doing it in GCSE Biology and now I am experiencing it in the form of Super-Perestalsis! I don't remember exercising these particular muscles so I am a bit surprised, but they are working very well. Inside I must be like an athlete. Colin Jackson in the form of an Alimentary Canal.
I'm so proud.

My Vegetable Masala makes a reappearance, some of it and, I manage to hurl myself toward the toilet before the rest pops up.

I have never had the experience of projectile vomit before but I have laughed at videos of babies spewing all over their parents. It is possible that I am being paid back for all those times.
Jeremy Beadle would love this moment.

My dinner exits my sweating suffering form at the speed of light, hits the water and bounces back up into my face.

This is not helping my general demeanor right now as I was feeling pretty ill before this happened. If it is at all possible this actually makes me worse.

the only comfort is that it is red sick, so I am easily able to identify which bits of me need cleaning up.

I finally shiver my way back to the sink, clean it out and then clean my face. I look like a Red Light District version of The Exorcist. I think about showing Imp, but I don't think she will be impressed in the same way.

Face scrubbed, teeth cleaned, stomach empty, I go back to bed and she looks after me.


  • At July 16, 2006 10:50 am, Blogger ziggi said…

    Ha! that's what you get for eating Marmite - and to think that until now I doubted the gods

  • At July 16, 2006 1:18 pm, Blogger MJ said…

    *loses appetite for breakfast*
    Did your head spin 360 degrees like in the Exorcist?

  • At July 16, 2006 8:24 pm, Blogger funny thing said…

    It's a proven scientific fact that if I had made it as far as devouring a piece of toast-and-Marmite before the toilet became a necessity, I not only would have become instantly well, but I would have become slimmer, more beautiful and would have more friends than I know what to do with. I also would have all my debts consolidated into one easy loan.

    As for my head spinning, I can't swear to it but it certainly felt like it....

  • At July 17, 2006 9:56 am, Blogger Tickersoid said…

    Bah! you get a scoop with the poo story and now a vomit story.

    Clearly at the cutting edge of blog posting.

    How old do you have to be to buy fags.

  • At July 18, 2006 6:21 pm, Blogger just sayin' said…

    What is Marmite?

  • At July 18, 2006 8:58 pm, Blogger funny thing said…

    What is Marmite???

    It's Yeast Extract. Lesser countries have to make do with substandard tasteless alternatives like Vegemite, but here in Britland we have class...

  • At July 19, 2006 2:28 pm, Blogger ickle_bro said…

    As a nutritional expert i can tell you it was because you don't eat enouph jellybabies.

    Our bodies are unable to synthesise jellybabies themselve, therefore it's essential that you deal with this by eating lots of them.

  • At July 19, 2006 5:11 pm, Blogger Pam said…

    Hope you're feeling better now.


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