Well, not toxic, exactly... maybe just a little bit rank. But in a nice way. With a garnish.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

under the duvet

TinyDog® has got a huge mass of poo on her bum!

This is as a result of having a hairy bottom. The dog, not me.

Normally when this happens we bung her in the bath and Imp deals with the pooey end while I wrap a tea-towel around my head and hang on to her collar while retching quietly to myself.

Over time we have discovered that Imp is much better at dealing with the realities of poo, while I am much better at talking about it.
This is because she is a mother. It is a scientific fact that all mothers actually enjoy wiping up poo, sick and bodily excretions.

We decide to ignore the poo - we are in bed and it is the middle of the night.

Unfortunately, TinyDog® has followed us to the bedroom and she has brought the poo with her. It’s dangling off her doggy-arse…. and she is sitting pongily at the bottom of the bed.

I give her a dirty look. I have spent years perfecting this look. It is even more terrifying than being lost in Ikea without a handheld Sat Nav.

She ignores me.

Imp and I wrinkle our noses and stick our heads under the duvet.

“Kick her off the bed” gasps Imp, peering at me under the duvet.

I flail my legs wildly and TinyDog® is catapulted from the bed. I hope the poo hasn’t dislodged and gone flying across the bedroom.

I risk a peep. No sign of the dog.

I join Imp back under the duvet and we lie, breathing through our mouths, waiting for the stench to go away.

It doesn’t.

I could swear it’s getting worse! Lying in bed accompanied by the gentle aroma of dog shit is not my idea of fun. I poke my head out.

“Noooooooooooooo!” I wail.

TinyDog® is perched, innocent look pasted over her hairy face, on top of my clothes. Somewhere under all that fur, on top of my favourite t-shirt, is a massive turd.

The smell is overpowering.

I dive back under the duvet and sniff my armpits for relief.


  • At May 26, 2007 8:40 am, Blogger tea and cake said…

    I spit my tea out, laughing at this!! Eyuk!

  • At May 26, 2007 12:15 pm, Blogger Inexplicable DeVice said…


    * hands over a can of gillette and a razor *

    Perhaps TinyDog's bum should be shaved?

  • At May 27, 2007 8:29 am, Blogger Moo said…

    This is just too funny for a Sunday morning!!

  • At May 28, 2007 11:57 am, Blogger Tickersoid said…


    Very funny!

    I've been here. It's the small bits you can't fling straight into the toilet that have to be persuaded to go down the bath filter that bother me. What if they get wedged?

  • At May 28, 2007 3:53 pm, Blogger Betty D said…

    I'm with Device. Shave it! My friend did that to her dog, and rather disturbingly, the dog seemed to like it. I am fairly certain the whole shaved thing doesn't have the same semi-paedo implications it has for us... Or maybe it does! Gah, doesn't bear thinking about.

    I am much the same about poo and other grossness, more than happy to talk about it (at the diner table, loudly on the bus..), but dealing with it is a totally different matter.

  • At May 29, 2007 8:33 am, Blogger funny thing said…

    Luckily I have a fully trained Imp who does the poking-crap-down-the-plughole bit.
    Every household should have one :)

    (hello tea&cake, moo and betty d, btw)

    I WILL NEVER shave a dog's bottom.


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