Well, not toxic, exactly... maybe just a little bit rank. But in a nice way. With a garnish.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Queen Street

I am going to the cinema with Ickle Bro!

We walk through town.

This is not as simple as it sounds.

Ickle bro, who is younger than me, should Rightfully-As-A-Result-Of-Logic-And-The-Laws-Of-Science, be shorter than me. I'm sure it says somewhere in the Bible that I should be the tallest.
Unfortunately something went horribly wrong and I was robbed! I think this might have been a result of the council building a road past our village when I was 10. I expect I inhaled some dangerous pollutants and stopped growing.

Thinking about it, Ickle Bro should really be called Freakily Tall Bro and, I should be called Half An Inch Below Average FT. But that would be a stupid name. And anyway, I don't like to dwell on it.

I make a mental note to write a letter of complaint to the council

So we walk through town.

I walk Very VERY quickly and my legs move quicker than the speed of light. In fact, my legs move so quickly that to other people it might look as if they are moving backwards, like that weirdy optical illusion that happens to car wheels when you watch a Ferrari bombing around Brands Hatch.

Even so, every fifth pace, I have to do a little skip.
This is not becoming for a woman of 34.

“OY! Slow down!” I gasp. My legs are now making that really-quick humming noise that bicycle tyres make when you are cycling downhill at more than 40 miles per hour.

“Sorry!” says Ickle Bro, glancing down from somewhere up in the sky, looking surprised. He moves into Matrix-style slow motion, loping along as if in zero gravity. But still quicker than me. Bastard.

I wipe away the sweat from my chin and skip along behind him, in a way that I hope emphasises the fact that I am older and, therefore, still The Boss.


  • At July 01, 2007 2:18 pm, Blogger Inexplicable DeVice said…

    I expect people would think he was clearing a path for you, as he's in front, because you're the important one.

    Yes. That's what they'd think. They'd know that he's the expendable one. The one to come in contact with Pushchairs, Teenagers, Old People and the like...

  • At July 01, 2007 2:24 pm, Blogger Moo said…

    I know how you feel, both my younger siblings are taller than me. Bro is 6ft 4 and sis 5ft 10 and then theres me, 5ft 7...why did i have to get the short gene?!!

    Ok. 5ft 7 is not that short but compared to them I am!

  • At July 03, 2007 3:46 am, Blogger Maureen said…

    Perhaps he wanted onlookers to believe that he was, in fact, running AWAY from you.... as you are the BOSS of course.

  • At July 03, 2007 9:35 pm, Blogger funny thing said…

    By George, I think you've got it!

    It's a worry sometimes, being so important.

  • At July 04, 2007 11:32 am, Blogger garfer said…

    People probably assume that he owes money.

    You are an evil stumpy legged debt collector who is to slow to catch up with her quarry.

  • At July 04, 2007 1:52 pm, Blogger Tickersoid said…

    It sounds like IDV is very familliar with Queen St.

    You must include the guys selling gaily coloured, over priced toys that are only of any use for 30 seconds and the silver, stands like a statue outside McDonalds, guy.


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